Not Quite The New Year I Was Expecting

Well, its here, and its not going anywhere anytime fast. 2012 is here, and it's not quite what I was hoping least not yet.

This was going to be the year, that I was totally going to give it over to God, and release my fears and worries over to Him. Anyone else try this recently? Its EXTREMELY hard. Almost to the point for myself to be impossible...I know, I know. NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE WITH GOD, and through Him I can do all things. But when nothing seems to go right...its hard to trust.

I wish I could go back in time and be there at Job's side during his time of testing and trial. Sometimes in fact I compare myself to Job, but let's be honest! I haven't lost any children, my home hasn't been blown over, my wife isn't telling me to curse God and die, and so far none of my friends have told me that life is going this direction because I've sinned. :)

But as life's pressures which we all face, continue to mount against me it seems like I've come to an impasse. Either love the Lord, or live for myself. My heart urges me with divine strength to stand strong for the Lord, but my eyes wander about and cause me to want to live for myself. I think this is something we all often times struggle with.

We know it is better to serve the Lord, but when other men seemingly are "better off" its easy for our eyes to become focused and attracted to the things of this world.

As a pastor I've preached on worry, I've preached on sanctification, I've preached on God's provision, I've preached on God's protection, I've preached on the temporal and the eternal, I've preached on the judgement, I've preached on the rewards and disappointments... yet...I hate to admit it, that even still I get scared in this world and often times consumed with finances.

The Bible says that a man that does not provide for his family is a sluggard, I don't want to be a sluggard! I want to provide for my family! But when finances are not enough, and another job cannot be found, what must one do? I trust in God to meet our needs, I truly do, but when medical bills, utility bills, insurance bills, school loan bills, car repair bills, and others start to stack, the finances with which God has provided are not able to cover them.

It feels as if I am betwixt a rock and a hard place being squeezed and squished ever more tightly. I know what I need to do, its just having the strength and faith to do it.

Would you pray? I'd be really appreciative of it. :)
Meanwhile...I'm going to do my best and "Practice what I preach" :)
"Be still and know that I am God..." - Psalm 46:10 -Constant reminder. :)